Ladies and Gentlefolk, welcome to Jen’s first Art School Panick Attack.
Today, it happened. I full on broke down and cried because it felt like the art world was crashing down on me. I feel the need to share this because I think it’s important to be real with the world in order for the world to relate to me. I am going to list the compilation of things that lead me to my epic panic attack today:
- Late Art History Paper (losing 5% every day it’s late) due to avoidance and anxiety
- Design Drawing assignment due tomorrow that I don’t know how to approach (automatic F if it’s not done)
- Fear of not being able to apply to Photo if I don’t get the above work done
- Fear of failing a class- too late to Withdraw from classes now so that will effect my grades
- Super tight budget until the end of the semester
- With all this anxiety, sadness that I don’t have a significant other to hold me and tell me “it will all be OK”
Independently all of these issues are manageable- but today it felt like they were all fighting for my attention at the same time. Basically giving me the feeling of “you are a failure, you don’t know what you are doing, what’s wrong with you” etc. etc. etc.
As a human, pretty much everyone gets to this place at some point, and gets through it for the most part. What bothers me is that I’m aware of the irrational thoughts, I’m aware of the solutions, but I still have anxiety rolling around in my stomach.
I’m trying to go from “How did I let this happen” to a proactive “what actions can I take to fix this”- problem solving mode. I’m too emotional for problem solving mode still… waiting impatiently to get to that mode but I think the waiting is giving me more anxiety. DAMN YOU VICIOUS CIRCLE!!!
Steps I have taken so far:
- Called my best friend Kyle and had a good hard “Vent and Cry and Vent and Cry” (he’s been to Art School too so he relates)
- Taken Kyle’s advice, and wrote my Art History teacher explaining my situation asking for redemption
- Wrote this blog so I could share my woes with the world and try to save another anxiety ridden sole from feeling by themself
Ciao,
Jen.
[...] a little help from our friends In Uncategorized on March 31, 2010 at 5:12 pm Since my “Art School Panick Attack” posting I have gotten some lovely messages from my close friends that have just warmed my [...]
[...] a little help from our friends In Uncategorized on March 30, 2010 at 5:12 pm Since my “Art School Panick Attack” posting I have gotten some lovely messages from my close friends that have just warmed my [...]